So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize