I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
