Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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