her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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