can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
