Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
