so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
