i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
