The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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