You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize