Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
