I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
