fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....