only if we run a train.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.