Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much