I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America