I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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