i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
