I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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