it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
