i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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