Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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