i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
