I want to stick my p in your. b.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
