She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
