how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
