am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
