Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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