If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is my gift to your gina
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY