An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?