Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life