I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?