I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
