Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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