Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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