she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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