you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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