he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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