Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize