Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
