distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I currently don't understand fingers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
