Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
