Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.