best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!