I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?