I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.