I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
