you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
where are my eyebrows?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
