he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
