I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.