Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.