Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.