honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused