he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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