Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
