Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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