that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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