i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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