Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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