At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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