She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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