He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
